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October 22, 2010 - 6:27am

Today's Poll: What is your experience with bullying?

posted by Howard B. Owens in polls, Bullying.
william tapp
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back was in grade school i was bullied but i kicked there butt and that was the end of it. most bullis are cowerds whe you stand up to them.
Bea McManis
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I wonder if the 10 people who admit being bullies and don't feel that bullying isn't a big deal agree that they are actually cowards? I'd also add insecure in their ability to function normally in society. You can't help but wonder if the recent news about kids who have committed suicide due to excessive bullying is 'no big deal' to them. We are fortunate to only have a small percentage of this site's community who admit to being bullies. I have a hard time imagining adults who still have the need to get the upper hand with callous disregard for others.
Peter O'Brien
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...
Doug Yeomans
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I've been bullied and I've been a bully. 21.61% (75 votes) <--- I think that's the most honest group by far. Kids are mentally fragile, boys and girls. Here's a video that points out a huge problem commonly overlooked. THE PARENTS! This girl is allowed to sit in front of the computer absorbing all the "bullying" being directed towards her. Parents shouldn't give their kids cell phones or allow them free-reign access to computers/internet. Kids don't have the maturity to handle being responsible with such technology. Would you hand your preteen or teenage child the keys to your car or hand them an adult magazine or let them meet some stranger all alone? Well, if you let them have unsupervised access to the computer, that's just about what you're doing. Why isn't this girl being told to get the hell off of the computer and to go read a book? Why do the parents enable this girl to create her own bullying? Good grief!
Dave Olsen
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The only honest answer to this is: I've been bullied and I've been a bully. There are countless ways to "bully" others. Everytime you cause someone to do something they don't want to, it's a form of bullying. Passive/Aggressive for instance. Jerk supervisors. Political pressure. Sure, Peter sometimes we just have to deal with it and move on, we've all done things we didn't want to for whatever reason. The point to me is: if you can't recognize bullying for what it is, then you take the chance that maybe you're doing it to someone without realizing it. A decent person would not want to bully another. Bea: "I have a hard time imagining adults who still have the need to get the upper hand with callous disregard for others." I don't have a hard time imagining it, I see it all the time.
Jerry Buckman
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Bullys of all ages exist. They always have and always will be around. Laws or policies will not stop human nature. Teach your kids or yourself how to confront (yes, confront) a bully. Reporting a bully to a school administrator is probably the worst answer (it was 40 years ago anyways). William above knows how to handle a bully. As does my son, who by following my instruction instead of ineffective school policy handled his bully in the tried and true "old school" fashion. My son's rewards far outweighed his mandatory 3-day suspension, as his esteem was boosted and the bullying behavior was over.
Doug Yeomans
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Jerry, sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do! A bully might be aware that he or she can still overpower a victim but if it comes at a high cost of pain and embarrassment, it's not worth the trouble.
Dave Olsen
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I just thought of an anecdote, I'd like to share. Years ago, when I was in the Navy and stationed at McMurdo Station Antarctica a brand new Ensign showed up and my buddy thought he looked familiar. After talking they realized they came from the same hometown in Indiana. But they couldn't quite place each other, my buddy was 3 or 4 years older than the Ensign. Then one night at the club, he sits up and says "oh crap, I know who that guy is. He was this little smart-ass my friends and I used to beat up, he would always come back for more and I would take every opportunity to screw with him and pound on him. Sooner or later he's going to remember me. Should i just go and apologize before he pays me back somehow?" After picking myself up off the floor from laughing, I said it probably wouldn't be a bad idea. Turns out the Ensign had remembered him, but was a little embarrassed, they laughed about it and became friends. The moral of course is: you never know if the person you are nasty towards will someday be in position to get even.
Dennis Jay
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Adults bully differently, by such as sexual harrassment, spousal abuse and using leverage in an unfair way in the workplace. Cable TV shows are filled with bullies, as is the U.S. Congress. They are not very good models for our kids.
Howard B. Owens
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I disagree with the "don't go to authorities" bit for kids at school. When I was in 7th grade, one of my classmates, who was physically mature -- very big guy -- started demanding money from me. A quarter here, a quarter there, then 50 cents, a dollar. It started to add up and was getting to me. He also ran with all the tough guys in school. They were all bussed in from another neighborhood. Finally, I told my mom. She called the vice principal. I don't know what the VP told that kid, but all of the money was repaid and for the rest of my time at that school (about another year), I essentially had my own personal body guard. Nobody bothered me again about anything.
Billie Owens
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I can honestly say that I have never intentionally bullied anyone, not at work, at home, on the street, and not in school. Once a boy socked me in the eye for no reason after school when I was in the third grade. A year later, some mean kids held me down and whipped my face with a switch. Both times my stepdad took me to their homes and confronted the parents. The bullying stopped. I was bullied verbally in the fifth grade because I was the new kid in school and had a funny name. My way of dealing with it was to stay in my room after school for months. But everyone handles stuff differently and cyberspace can take things to a whole new level of hurt. As a result of my experiences, and partly by nature, I reached out to students who weren't the most popular. I found something to like about each and every one of them and my life was enriched because of it. I found that if I reached out in some positive way first, the other person would respond in kind or at least not be negative. I didn't just hang with one group, I was lucky enough to have friends in every group. But I'd see kids get teased because of their clothes, the funky car their parents' drove them to school in, their lack of reading skills, their poor athletics, their looks, their teeth, their hair, the fact that they had to use lunch tickets to buy lunch - a beacon that they were low-income. I think the thing I regret is that although I befriended them, I didn't take the extra step to tell punks to knock it off already. And grownups definately bully people, with their authority, their money, their fists and passive-aggressive b.s. See, I have this ex-husband who... I think most bullies abuse people simply because they can. If they think they can get away with it, they have the kind of personality wherein they will inflict some form of pain whenever and wherever possible. They are pathetic, cowardly, insecure and often incompetant. And they are not the majority. Take the high road. It may be longer and rockier but it winds up in a much better place.
Bea McManis
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Posted by Billie Owens on October 22, 2010 - 2:01pm I think most bullies abuse people simply because they can. If they think they can get away with it, they have the kind of personality wherein they will inflict some form of pain whenever and wherever possible. They are pathetic, cowardly, insecure and often incompetant. And they are not the majority. Take the high road. It may be longer and rockier but it winds up in a much better place. Thank you, Billie. The belief that someone who is bullied is asking for it and is somehow to blame is exactly what the parents of the children who killed themselves would love to hear. Thank God bullies are not in the majority.
Frank Bartholomew
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Howard, was there something wrong with my post?
C. M. Barons
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Explaining away school-age bullying requires explaining away Kip Kinkel, Eric Harris, Dylan Klebold, Jeffrey Weise, Tim Kretschmer and Asa H. Coon. Bullying is not acceptable nor is it merely transitional behavior excusable as “boys being boys.” Tanya Lynn Pohwat, 17, of Hopewell is in Ontario County Jail, today; accused of felony assault, stabbing her 14-year-old sister with a pencil. Yeshiva University’s Jonathan East in his book, Ceremonial Violence: A Psychological Explanation of School Shootings, explains the circumstances that prompt deviant behavior: early neglect or abuse; adolescent trauma from bullying or peer rejection, a support system that encourages violence and a narcissistic disregard for the suffering of others. It is well to doubt anyone who would legitimize or excuse overt, anti-social behavior. A bully-abettor is no less than vicarious bully. There are enough acts of random violence in our world (road rage, spouse abuse, child abuse, date rape, elder abuse…) to demonstrate playground bullies do not outgrow their deviant treatment of others. Understanding the chemistry does not exonerate those in a position of responsibility from discouraging unacceptable behavior. Hit singer Rihanna and then-boyfriend Chris White had a disagreement in 2009. According to the LAPD report, officers responding to a 911 call found the singer with a split lip and contusions on either side of her forehead. A survey of 200 Boston school children revealed 47% felt she deserved it. Eric Smith was 13 when he murdered 4-year-old Derrick Robie. Robie was walking to Summer Camp in Savona when Smith lured him into a wooded area. Robie was strangled, gagged, bludgeoned with rocks and temeratum culus. Where is the line drawn between harmless and criminal?
Howard B. Owens
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Frank, if you had a post and it's gone, the only thing I can think is I accidentally deleted it from the admin. Yesterday I had to go in and delete some multiple posts. I have not purposefully deleted a post of yours on this thread.
Frank Bartholomew
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Thanks Howard. CM, Rihanna's boyfriend was Chris Brown. The mere fact that such a survey was even taken, indicates how bad this problem is, and the perception of it by the very age group that is most likely to be victimized. I don't feel there is such a thing as harmless bullying. I'm sure shows like " yo momma" only fuel the fire. If your not familiar with this show, its format was for 2 people to square off in an insult contest, and the winner was chosen by audience response. Here is an example of the types of insults used on the show; "yo momma is so ugly, the mouse jumps on the table and screams".Then, the insults would move on, yo momma is so fat, or so stupid,or so smelly, etc. Again,the media is right in the middle of this behavior, and encouraging it. This show, to me anyway, demonstrated the, all up in your face culture, where thats how its been, thats how it is, and thats how its gonna be attitude.

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