Batavia High School senior and school board student representative Kylie Tatarka prepared board members Thursday that there were both positive and negative items in her monthly report. 

The positive was that many school activities — high school football games, boy and girl swim teams, a production of Sherlock Holmes — “have been very successful,” Tatarka said. 

“And now, due to the pamphlet,” she said during the board’s December meeting at BHS. “Students have expressed a lack of safety due to that situation, which was addressed by our administration.”

That “situation” was two weeks ago, when some students, who were frustrated by what they believed was inaction to bullying by the district, created written materials and began to organize a walk-out. Social media buzzed with comments as the school ended up closing for a day following the perceptions of threats of violence and after the distribution of those materials. The district closed Dec. 3 after reports of threats of violence at buildings in the district began circulating on social media.

On the plus side, high school counselors visited classrooms to understand how students have been feeling, Tatarka said, and how the district could potentially make them feel safer. 

“This process went well, where many kids said they finally felt heard by this administration,” she said. “Students go through a lot of stress, especially right now, and we need adults to help go through this together. Communication and trust is key.”

As a senior with little time left in school before graduation, Tatarka still looks forward to seeing a change, she said, “especially for my friends, my peers and my own sibling who goes to school with me.” She was also speaking up for those younger classmates that will remain in school behind her. 

“So I urge you all to think about students first,” she said.

High School Principal Paul Kesler reiterated the student ex-officio's remarks about how counselors went into each social studies class to give all students an opportunity to express their feelings, thoughts and concerns. 

“Their struggle right now is real, they’re feeling a sense of loss in many ways, our staff is feeling that also,” Kesler said. “This is a good time to get some feedback on that.”

There were positive and negative comments, and suggestions  to be followed up on next year, he said. Bullying specifically wasn’t the hot topic, he said, whereas the effects of COVID-19 and the related distancing policy this past year seemed to have a bigger impact on students, he said. 

“A lot of feedback came back in terms of student’s mental health. I have seen that mental health needs have increased. Students have felt the loss of activities, like not having traditional school dances,” he said, listing some of the students’ suggestions. “They talked about public affirmation of the great things that they’re doing; publicize those on announcements more. They want more classroom meetings. It’s important to hear from marginalized students.” 

Another suggestion, indicative of youth’s technological savvy, was to create a check-in sheet with a bar code so that students can remain anonymous while reaching out for help and/or to share concerns about someone else. The feedback so far was a good start, Kesler said, and counselors will be revisiting with students in a similar way in late January.

“All in all, I’m really proud of our students,” he said. “They’ve been really resilient in difficult situations.”

While on the topic of student safety, Interim Superintendent Scott Bischoping referred to a TikTok message that has been circulating nationally.  The Federal Bureau of Investigations and law enforcement concluded that any such threat is unfounded, he said. City police are aware of the post and will monitor the situation, he said.

The popular site TikTok has suggested that school shootings are to take place in a nationwide TikTok school threat challenge on Friday, apparently titled National Shoot Up Your School Day.

The post encourages students to make threats of violence against their school. Some districts are reportedly taking heavier precautions, such as Scotia-Glenville Central School and West Genesee in Syracuse.

Top photo: Batavia High School Principal Paul Kesler reviews the steps taken so far to connect with students, hear them out and develop a list of potential remedies for the void left by COVID-19 protocols. Photo by Howard Owens
 

Adjusting bullying protocols to better accommodate student needs is in the hands of Batavia City School board members, Rebecca Eldridge says. 

And she urges them and the district at large to work more diligently to improve the way district personnel responds to student accusations of verbal and physical attacks. 

“I stand here tonight on behalf of many students and families whose stories and voices have been dismissed,” she said to the Board of Education during its meeting Thursday at Batavia High School. “Two weeks ago my family became one as well. I implore you to take action for every single student that walks through these halls. Enforce policies for every student every day.”

The story she shared came in between her introduction and final urgings. Her son had been assaulted to the point of a swollen eye, bloody nose, bruised ribs and abrasions to his legs, she said. Yet he, too, was suspended along with the bully for defending himself. Perhaps even more upsetting was that she learned he was sent on to his next class after the attack, and did not receive medical attention until later, she said.

“That is neglect without question,” she said. “Staff failed to report to their superiors, which is school policy.”

Not once but three times her son suffered “intimidation, threats and physical harm” from this bully’s sibling, she said. That history plus this particular assault she highlighted resulted in her son being physically injured and emotionally scarred due to trauma, she said.

The day she learned about the assault, Eldridge received a letter notifying her that her son had been suspended for throwing a basketball at the bully, she said. The bully had been seriously taunting her son for four years, and “the school has done nothing.”

Meanwhile, he has missed out on school academics and sports, she said, as district officials reminded her to “be grateful for two — not five — days suspension.”

“Your son was not the aggressor, but we have to; it’s policy,” Eldridge said, repeating what district officials told her. 

She maintained that the district’s Information Technology and “higher administration” staff confirmed there was audio of the event with her son, and that she was subsequently lied to that there was none. The situation violates school policies, Code of Conduct and the Dignity For All Students Act, she said.

Her son’s record has been expunged, she said, “without conversation or an appeal.” Camera footage has disappeared as prior statements have been recanted, she said. 

Eldridge is looking for a shift in the system.

“Recently students and the community have desperately asked for their voices to be heard, changes to be made,” she said. “Change is in your hands tonight. Students including my son deserve nothing less than that from every one of you.” 

There was no board discussion about the issue after she spoke, however, she told The Batavian after the meeting that she was encouraged by what two board members privately expressed.

“They both thanked me for speaking,” she said. “One said ‘thank you for your courage,’ and the other said ‘I heard you, I heard you.’ I hope me speaking tonight has a positive impact, and brings change for our schools, for our children, and our community. As I said to them, it’s in your hands tonight.”

Parent Lidia Arteaga, who had previously spoken with The Batavian for a related article (Batavia City Schools’ parents speak out about bullying at the district), could not attend the meeting, but agreed with Eldridge’s main message. Arteaga’s daughter has experienced much verbal bullying, she said and deserves to be safe at school. Her daughter had created a pamphlet to raise awareness of the bullying episodes taking place without disciplinary action by the district. Her daughter was suspended for that act.

“Yes, change has to happen,” Arteaga said to The Batavian after the meeting. “Let me tell you that if anyone touches my daughter and they come back with those weak excuses, I will do anything I can to make them pay. I don’t know if change will happen, but I’m proud of my little girl for trying to make a difference. It’s at least opened the door for more communication.”

The Batavian asked Interim Superintendent Scott Bischoping for a response to Eldridge’s accusations, and he could not offer much comment, he said.

“I am unable to discuss a specific student discipline issue,” he said, offering to talk more about the situation in the future. 

Top photo: Parent Rebecca Eldridge urges Batavia City School Board of Education members to take action and ensure the safety of students from bullying during a board meeting Thursday at the high school library. Photo by Howard Owens

To read the response of school and district officials to the parents' complaints, click here.

Lidia’s Story …
She would often come home distraught after being verbally taunted at Batavia Middle School.

She would tell her mom that kids called her names and told her to “go back where you came from,” which prompted the teenager to ask why. Why should she want to go back to Texas, she wondered.

No, that’s not what the kids meant, her mom Lidia said. Being of Hispanic and Native American descent, Lidia’s daughter was instead being asked to go back to Mexico, Lidia said.

“She would come home crying, saying ‘I’m from here,’” Lidia said Sunday to The Batavian. “I just want (district leaders) to realize there’s a problem at school. There’s bullying everywhere, and maybe the teachers, the Board of Education, the principals will pay attention.”

Lidia’s family moved from Texas to Batavia six years ago. It was mostly in the middle school that her daughter suffered from name-calling with “racist and homophobic slurs,” her mom said. The teenager, who is also gay, required counseling, a prescription medicine for depression, and, at one point earlier this year, hospitalization for her compounding mental health issues, her mom said. 

When the verbal assaults continued, albeit not quite as harsh as in middle school, the current high school senior finally had enough. She and some friends decided to organize a walk-out, promoted with a flyer, and advertise the bullying wrongs in a pamphlet, both created by Lidia’s daughter. 

She asked her mom what she thought of the idea. It wasn’t just for Lidia’s daughter, but for those others she saw getting bullied as well with nothing being done by the school district. 

“Her biggest concern was a lot of people were getting bullied and no one is doing anything,” Lidia said. “They were alone in this; she felt that maybe having a walk-out might bring it to the attention of others. I told her to go ahead, and I was going to be there. She ruffled some feathers, she put a spotlight on it.”

The pamphlet’s cover page features a Batavia Blue Devil with “Batavia School Kills” at the top. It continues to state “Don’t tell us students to do better. Don’t try to place the blame on us. Staff Members are useless. They don’t care about us.”

Due to the use of students’ names throughout the pamphlet, The Batavian is not going to publish it here. Batavia city schools “allow racism, homophobia, sexism, and misogyny, but won’t allow our shoulders to be exposed,” it states. There are a number of alleged bullying scenarios described, including boys yelling homophobic comments, someone being screamed at to kill him/herself by another student, and using "nig- - -," "faggot" and "stupid Jew" to describe fellow students. 

There are some educational components of defining particular words, such as ableist, transphobic, racism, sexist and anti-Semitic. A couple pages have big bold letters asking “What the F- - -.”

Lidia’s daughter has been suspended from school for violating the Code of Conduct. She will receive tutoring at a site away from the high school for an indefinite period of time. Her mom is still waiting for instructions from the district administration. 

Holly’s Story …
Bullying with no repercussions seems to be a common complaint amongst parents and their children. Holly has two children in the district and one who graduated two years ago. The 10th-grader is bi-racial and diagnosed with autism spectrum. 

Bullying has driven her online, her mom says. 

As the victim of consistent racist name-calling — with no end in sight — the 15-year-old withdrew from the brick and mortar school in May and studies completely online now. 

“So a lot of people don’t know that I had been basically bullied out of school due to racism, being called names such as ‘nig- - -‘ and ‘monkey,’ she said in an online post provided to The Batavian by her mother. 

Although her daughter told teachers and counselors about the situation, she contends that the alleged bully remained in school with no apparent accountability, Holly said. 

“They were aware of it,” she said. “The situation continued.”

Her daughter ended up making some poor choices in response to the verbal attacks, her mom said, and is willing to face the consequences.  District leaders “were quick to give her suspension,” she said, but what about the other student?

“She continues to say things,” mom said of the alleged bully.

Both Lidia and Holly said that their children were offered a solution of removing themselves from the classroom and/or hanging out in a counselor’s office. Only problem with that was her child’s bully would sometimes also be in that counselor’s office, Holly said. 

She discussed the issue with district leaders in May and June of this year, without an acceptable solution, Holly said. And although she admits that her child is not perfect, she would like to see more being done to address bullying. 

“I think awareness definitely needs to take place,” she said. “My frustration is there’s a zero-tolerance policy.”

That means if two students get into a physical altercation, even if one of them was defending him/herself, that person could also get penalized. Holly feels that’s unfair.

“I think when these kids go to the teachers, there should be some kind of mediation between all parties involved,” she said. “Kids lose faith in the system if they’re going to teachers and nothing can be done. The BHS principal said that anyone who walks out will be suspended. Kids wanted to peacefully protest bullying. What’s being done about her being bullied?”

Regardless of district action, or inaction according to parents, both daughters weren’t going to wait around for someone else to help them. Lidia’s daughter drafted the printed literature to distribute, and Holly’s daughter created a petition at change.org.

The online petition, posted publicly by Ellie, has received 84 votes so far, with a total of 100 being sought. Her reason wasn’t “so much of being safe, but I’ll feel better as a person if I wasn’t attacked in school for my skin color,” she explained in the petition. She went on to request that “the student who has been racist to a lot of students at my school and me” be removed from school. 

“It’s not fair that students who have been attacked with racism by this person go to school and not know if this person is going to say those things again,” she said, adding that it’s not acceptable.  

Sherri’s Story …
For Sherri’s daughter, she opted to get physical. After dealing with a boy’s ongoing sexual harassment in her junior year, the girl slapped him in the face after first attempting to confront the bullying by reporting it to teachers, Sherri said. The end result was punishment for both sides. She got two days of in-school suspension and was suspended from school for one day. The boy was given two days of suspension. 

Sherri referred to a program that she believes isn’t being well promoted by the district. Sources of Strength, a peer-to-peer mentoring program, offers viable emotional support for troubled students, she said. Due to last year’s pandemic and kids staying home, this program isn’t well known in the district community, she said. 

Sources of Strength is a high school group with the message “We Belong!” It initiated a March 2021 campaign in the district newsletter. Sources of Strength is a suicide prevention program with approximately 70 BHS student members, called peer leaders, and six adult advisors, the newsletter stated.

Holly plans to keep her daughter out of school and online for the remainder of this year. She plans to wait and see “how this year plays out.”

“She is extremely bright and is doing higher-level classes at 15 … so she can get out of school as soon as possible because it is so stressful,” the proud mom said. “There are some good teachers there, some good people there, but all it takes is one rotten apple to spoil the bunch.”

Top photo: Batavia PD's resource officer worked at the school during the closure on Dec. 3 and another officer happened to be at the school at the time the photo was taken. Photo by Howard Owens.

To read what the parents had to say about bullying at Batavia HS, click here.

Contrary to the belief of some families that Batavia City School staff doesn’t care about or respond to bullying adequately enough, there are teachers, counselors, administrators, and even student peers in place to support students in need, Interim Superintendent Scott Bischoping says. 

“I think it’s important for parents to know we want to work together. We appreciate parent input,” he said during an interview with The Batavian Wednesday. “The folks here are committed to working with the kids and parents to make this district the best we can.”

Bischoping and Batavia High School Principal Paul Kesler agreed that incidents being cited by students do not always have a simple fix.  In fact, they are often “far more complex than that,” Bischoping said. 

He doesn’t deny that there are “true instances” of bullying that are clear-cut violations of the district’s Code of Conduct, however, “these are the ones that are easiest to work with,” he said. 

It is all of the other situations — involving “multiple kids and multiple issues” — that take time to navigate, investigate, decipher and determine who the key players are and what was said and/or done, he said. 

“There’s no immediacy involved with that,” Bischoping said. “There’s no one of these that looks alike; each one we go into with a different approach.”

Some students had reported to their parents instances of name-calling using homophobic and/or racist slurs, and that the incidents weren’t being taken seriously by district staff.

Kesler offered a rebuttal: These matters are treated with confidentiality, he said, and therefore information is often kept private while staff investigates the situation. 

“We do look into discrimination on any level; it isn’t anything that we tolerate,” Kesler said. “My recommendation is that if a parent calls somebody and they don’t feel the situation has been dealt with, call again. Once we’re made aware of the situation, we know our responsibility is to take care of it. Our goal is for the situation not to happen again.”

Some parents complained that their children were offered opportunities to leave the classroom and remove themselves from their accused bullies. The parents didn’t feel it was fair to remove their child from the classroom or to offer safe space at a counselor’s office, where the alleged bullies were as well. That’s where things can get dicey since counselors are also trying to talk with the accused bullies to try and rectify the situation, he said. 

Board of Education President Alice Benedict feels confident that district leaders are responding to family concerns appropriately.

"I talked to Interim Superintendent Bischoping several times, and he reassures me that available counselors and teachers are contending with lots of questions of students and their complaints of bullying," Benedict said. "I think they are doing all they can. It can be overwhelming for teachers and counselors. It seems the tragic death of one of the students seems to have pushed the students' comments of being bullied."

There has been no confirmation of that student's death being related to bullying, however, many families have linked it to other bullying incidents. District officials had no official comment about the death, but have offered condolences to the family at prior board meetings.

What is bullying?
According to the district’s Code of Conduct, the Dignity for All Students Act (pages 15 and 16) “makes sure students are learning how to get along, work together, and respect differences in schools that are safe and welcoming to all.” 

“The District strictly prohibits discrimination, harassment and/or bullying against any student, by employees or students, that creates a hostile school environment by conduct, or by threats, intimidation or abuse, including cyberbullying, that: a) has or would have the effect of unreasonably and substantially interfering with a student’s educational performance, opportunities or benefits, or mental, emotional and/or physical well-being; or b) reasonably causes or would reasonably be expected to cause a student to fear for his or her physical safety; or c) reasonably causes or would reasonably be expected to cause physical injury or emotional harm to a student; or d) occurs off school property and creates or would foreseeably create a risk of substantial disruption within the school environment, where it is foreseeable that the conduct, threats, intimidation or abuse might reach school property,” the Code states.

“Such conduct shall include, but is not limited to: acts based on a person’s actual or perceived race, color, weight, national origin, ethnic group, religion, religious practice, disability, sexual orientation, gender (including gender identity or expression) or sex,” it states.

There are students that claim to have been so disturbed and disrupted by the name-calling that they left school and enrolled in a BOCES remote learning program that is completely online. Kesler estimated there to be 25 students enrolled in the program at this time for various reasons that also include parental concerns about the transmission of COVID-19. He would like students to remain in school, but the online program is another option, he said. 

Where to turn for help
The district provides four counselors at the high school and another counselor who is shared between the middle and high schools, and additional counseling or social work support is being actively sought, Bischoping said. Part of the American Rescue Plan Act funds of $5 million will go toward supports of instructional and mental health counseling, and other Covid-19 related needs, such as air purifiers, he said. 

Other resources include:

• Sources of Strength is a peer-to-peer mentoring program led by a faculty advisor. (See Parents seek help for their bullied children.) “We’re encouraging students not to share publicly another student’s story, but if they’re aware (another student is troubled) … we have an emotional/social learning team,” Kesler said. SOS members may refer a student to that team, which can support the student with “reflective and restorative” measures to help them learn positive behaviors and recognize what to be aware of to deal with mental health challenges. 

  The We Belong campaign was to bring awareness to breaking stereotypes and being tolerant of all people, the newsletter stated. It focuses on inclusion and acceptance, without regard to race, religion, gender, culture, or other differences.

  “Instead, members work to encourage their peers to be proud of who they are and to find strength in the positive characteristics they hold,” it stated. “In line with the District's mottos of belonging together and remaining strong, the Sources of Strength group kicked off the campaign with a mural in the BHS entrance stating, ‘We, the Blue Devils, Belong Together.’”

  Throughout March, Sources of Strength members planned to reach out to the student body in a variety of ways, including shared, student-led videos and a lunchtime program aimed to reach as many individual students as possible. A wall art display represents how the entire student body creates one picture all together, regardless of differences, the newsletter stated.

• The parent connection. School officials encourage parents to speak up about concerns. Call the district at 585-343-2480, Ext. 2000 for the high school. “If a parent knows the child is in trouble, we want them to get one-on-one counseling,” Kesler said. 
• A counselor has been visiting students in social studies class Mondays and Tuesdays throughout the school year, to check-in and talk about how they’re doing. This is an opportunity for students to connect to a counselor and further discuss any issues they have out of the classroom.  “They’re telling students it’s ok to talk to a counselor (teacher, staff, principal) about something,” Kesler said, adding that he has received many emails and phone calls, plus had conversations with at least 100 people that were “positive and supportive” about the recent upheaval of discontent from groups of parents and students. Other students wanted their voices to be heard, he said, which prompted the district to figure out how to support those students that “may be feeling a little isolated.”
• BOCES has a trained trauma-informed grief counselor that is shared by all BOCES districts and available for mental health crises, such as the death of a district teacher.
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week throughout the United States. If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, call the free and confidential Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. For more information, go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org 

COVID Complications …
The pandemic — which closed school, placed students at home on a computer, and created massive social distancing — did its share of damage amongst students, Kesler said. CBS News reported that the United States Surgeon General issued an advisory this week about a mental health crisis that is worsening amongst youth.

The number of youth experiencing depressive and anxiety symptoms, the advisory stated, doubled during the pandemic to 25% and 20% respectively, and in early 2021, emergency room visits for suicide attempts in the U.S. were 51% higher for adolescent girls and  4% higher for adolescent boys compared to the same time in 2019. 

Kesler agreed that school districts are experiencing a similar pattern, according to counselor reports.

“Students are realizing that their mental health needs more priority, we’ve certainly seen that,” he said.

Everybody needs a mentor, a trusted adult, to talk with about life's difficulties, Tom Thalen, an anti-bullying expert from Michigan told a group of sixth-graders at a youth conference at Genesee Community College on Tuesday.

True, most bullying takes place in middle school, but even 15 percent of 12th-graders report being bullied on a regular basis (meaning, at least three times a month).

And nearly 15 percent of adults report being bullied at their jobs.

"Your whole life, you're going to have to deal with people who are dealing with their own hurt, who are messed up, and are going to bully you," Thelen said. 

That means, we all need to learn how to control our response, remain calm, don't react in anger or hurt, don't lash out, and find a trusted adult to talk to about it. For schoolchildren, that often means reporting it to a teacher or administrator so an adult can deal with the issue.

Thelen said he was bullied as a child and was angry and sullen until he met Mrs. Burdick, a teacher who helped him learn to not let others control his thinking and his actions.

By the time he was in high school, he recognized bullying for what it is  -- it's not teasing, it's not a joke, it's something meant to humiliate another person that attacks their identity -- and he learned to control his response.

He also learned to help protect other students from bullying.

He recalled an incident in high school when he was standing in line at lunch in the cafeteria and two boys started making comments to a girl who was new to the school about the food she was putting on her plate.

"Take an extra dessert," they said.

They made similar comments about the types and amount of food on her plate. You know what they were getting at.

Thelen did nothing that day but he said it bothered him.

Then it happened the next day. And still, he did nothing.

That night, he looked at himself in the mirror, angry at himself, and became determined not to let it happen again.

When it happened again, he gently but firmly said, "Hey, guys, cut it out."

Years later, he got a note on Facebook from that girl praising him for being an inspiration and good example to his classmates. He was confused at first. He didn't immediately think of that incident. Then when he realized who she was -- the new girl, the girl who didn't know the old Tom, the Tom who was angry and sullen, only the Tom who was going through the process of being a better human being -- only then did he understand who it was she remembered.

She remembered the guy who stood up for her. And, he understood, it made a difference.

"I can’t change the rest of the world," Thelen told the sixth-graders. "I can't change what people do. But I can change what I do. You deserve to live an emotionally intelligent life."

Tom Thelen on the web.

Press release (submitted photos):

For the third year, the Byron-Bergen Elementary School community of students and teachers united to celebrate their culture of diversity and anti-bullying.

The afternoon of October 27 began with a school tradition: the photograph of more than 500 students, taken from the vantage point of the school's rooftop. Their matching anti-bullying T-shirts featured the District's strategic goal for the year, "Creating leaders one student at a time."

After the photo was taken, the school gathered for its annual Anti-Bullying Assembly. Principal Brian Meister started things off with an acknowledgement of the District's recent designation by Character.org as a New York District of Character, thanking the students for making their school a shining example.

Much of the afternoon's entertainment was based on Carol McCloud's award-winning book "Have You Filled a Bucket Today?" "Bucket fillers" say and do nice things and help fill people's emotional buckets with positive feelings, while "bucket dippers" treat others hurtfully and leave them feeling sad and empty. Teachers and students presented a gameshow-type skit, complete with prizes, where student contestants had to guess whether teachers were demonstrating bucket-filling or bucket-dipping behavior. 

The school recognized participants in the 2015 Empire State Games with a special video commemoration of the event and an awards presentation. The proud winners included students: Camryn Brookhart, Robbie Gaylord, John Klafehn, Draven Liles, Chelsea Vanelli, and Emily Yun.

The school's Students of the Month and the Sixth-Grade Safety Patrol also received special honors.

The assembly included music, provided by the sixth-grade choir, a great dance number illustrating beauty in diversity, and a promise from the newest Pre-K members of the Byron-Bergen school community, to support others and report bullying behavior. Older students led the assembly in reciting the Seven Habits from the school's Leader in Me Program, which along with the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program forms the foundation for Byron-Bergenís character-building success. 

For more information on the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program visit  HYPERLINK "http://www.violencepreventionworks.org" http://www.violencepreventionworks.org. For information on The Leader in Me visit  HYPERLINK "http://www.theleaderinme.org" www.theleaderinme.org.  



Tom Murphy, a professional MMA fighter and an Ultimate Fighting Champion, brought his anti-bullying presention, Sweethearts and Heroes, to Batavia High School on Wednesday afternoon. Murphy's program is aimed at giving students tools for combating bullying, not just a pep talk about why bullying is wrong.

“Just talking about awareness doesn’t fix anything,” said Murphy, who lives in Glen Falls and was a wrestler in college at Brockport. “What separates us from other anti-bullying presentations and projects is that we have the plan to curb, and even stop, bullying in your school, or wherever it exists for you.”

His special guest Wednesday was Rick Yarosh and his companion dog Amos. Yarosh is an Iraq War vet whose Bradley armored vehicle was incinerated by an IED, leaving Yarosh badly burned. He also lost a leg. Yarosh spoke about battling against hopelessness to live a life of purpose and optimism.  

Bullies like the passive response. It means they're getting to you. They like the angry or frustrated response. It means they're in control and you're not.

What children need to learn is the confident response. The response that communicates, you're not getting to me, but if you don't stop, I'll take control.

For bullies, that response is no fun.

And teaching children how to respond to bullies with confidence is the goal of a new anti-bullying program instituted by the Pavilion Central School District.

The Bully Boot Camp -- seven lessons that parents complete with their children -- was developed by Timothy Shoemaker primarily as an online course parents purchase from his Web site, timothyshoemaker.com.

One of the social workers at Pavilion, Chuck Kron, saw Shoemaker speak at Genesee Community College for a youth camp last spring and decided to check out his Web site.

"I thought he was a very effective speaker for the kids," Kron said. "You could year a pin drop. So I went to his Web site and checked out his tools and resources and I found them concrete, totally unique, boots on the ground, roll up your sleeves kind of stuff."

After some discussion, Shoemaker developed a plan to make the boot camp available to entire school districts. Kron liked the idea because it would allow school districts -- particularly Pavilion -- to provide the program to parents and students at no cost to the parents.

Pavilion did a trial run with the program last spring and is implementing it this year, making Pavilion the first district to offer the boot camp on a districtwide basis.

The program has already proven its effectiveness, Kron said. There was a student and parent who went through the boot camp in 10 days last spring. A few days after completing the program, the child showed up in Kron's office.

Kron admits that his first thought was along the lines of "oh, no, here we go again," but actually the student was quite proud of himself.

"He used a certain specific exercise to confront a bully in the lunch room and he felt good about it, and a lot more confident," Kron said. "He's been significantly less picked on, but when it happens he feels equipped and confident. He's no longer going home crying. He no longer wants to not come to school any more. Instead, he feels like he's got a little tool box to reach into."

Last night's introduction to the boot camp was attended by maybe a dozen or so Pavilion parents along with six or seven administrators from school districts in the area. Kron and the other administrators in Pavilion walked the group through what most of the seven-day course covers (ideally, a parent goes through the course in seven consecutive days with a child, with each session taking about 30 minutes).

Robin, a parent who attended said she's exicted to get started with her child, who had been a bit picked on last year and it's starting again this year.

"I learned (tonight) that I can give my son really great skills he can use as he is growing up
and can use in the future," Robin said. "It will help him in school and throughout his life. It's really important for my child because he's extremely passive. I'm hoping I can change that and get him to be more confident in himself."

One of the lessons, in fact, covers teaching a child how to act confident even if you don't feel confident. Body language, facial expressions and tone of voice can all be used to convey confidence even when you're trembling inside.

 "What this does is build up the victims' capacity to take the target off their heads," Kron said.

Implementation of the program doesn't mean the school district is letting bullies off the hook. The traditional methods of dealing with bullies -- punishments and consequences -- still exist and the district councelors will still try to bring about mediation and restorative justice, but the program is unique in providing students ways to neutralize bullies and helps give the parents the means to help their children.

"Often parents, when kids come home and say somebody is bothering them or somebody is bullying or harassing them, parents feel very powerless," Kron said. "They say, 'I wish I could just go into that school and tell that bully off myself.' Well, this gives parents something to do and channel that energy in a positive way that benefits their kids."

Top photo: Mike Brown collects examples of bullying from parents at Tuesday evening's introductory session. Bottom photo: Katie Newby tosses a wad of paper at Chuck Kron in a demonstration of the kind of practice a parent and child might do together on how to effectively respond to a bully.

Shawn Clark, current principal of Jackson School in Batavia and soon-to-be principal of Batavia High School, got bullied Thursday night. Teachers and students ganged up on him, as parents looked on, in a church no less.

The sham was a demonstration called a "bullying circle," used to help educate people about how bullying tends to work in a school environment.

Clark spoke to the community at Batavia's First Presbyterian Church about a new district-wide anti-bullying initiative.

According to Clark, the district is using the popular Olweus Bullying Prevention Program, which has more than 30 years of research behind it.

The vast majority of students who make up that "middle ground" -- that is, those who are neither bullies nor bullied -- is a key focus of the program.

"Most kids want to (help the victims)," Clark said, "but they don't know how."

It is very important, Clark said, for teachers and students to know how and when to respond to incidents of bullying.

"Research shows that when no action is taken, empathy goes down over time."

People then think that either bullying is no big deal or it's the victim's fault, and the problem gets worse.

This program, he said, educates kids and adults on what they can do to help stop bullying in its tracks.

At Jackson, a group of staff have formed a committee called Positive Behavior Interventions and Supports to help build a positive, comfortable and friendly environment where every student can feel safe and welcome.

Once per week, the committee facilitates classroom discussions wherein kids can engage in face-to-face interactions with each other and discuss what's going on in their lives. They can talk about anything from problems at home to what they did on vacation.

"The point is to cultivate a family environment where the kids can feel safe talking about issues," Clark said.

Another function of these discussions, according to Clark, is to encourage an atmosphere of empathy. In talking about this, he made a distinction between sympathy, which is a feeling, and empathy, which is a "learned skill."

"Sometimes if the kids who are bullying know what's going on in the victims' lives, then they'll see them as human beings who deserve respect."

When asked if he has seen a difference as a result of these types of intervention, Clark replied: "Absolutely."

"The kids feel much more comfortable coming to adults and talking to them about their issues (including those that can be symptoms of, or precursors to, bullying)," he said. "And when we get the kids to work things out, the problems tend to be so much more minor than if we had let them go. (This way) we can take care of them before they escalate into something more serious."

The district's bullying prevention initiative has had its critics, though. Clark said that some people have suggested to him that what staff members really should be doing is "toughening kids up" so that they can fend for themselves.

According to Clark, it's not that easy.

"Research shows that kids who are bullied are so traumatized by it that they can't help themselves," he said.

Bullying can cause problems in kids' lives that make it very hard for them to stick up for themselves. The trauma resulting from bullying can lead to psychological disorders like anxiety and depression, and can even cause physical symptoms such as headaches, nausea and trouble sleeping.

Problems like these can, in turn, lead to frequent absence from school, which negatively impacts the student's overall academic performance.

Another challenge is the stigma attached to "snitching," or telling on a bully. But Clark maintains that there is a huge difference between "tattling," which means telling on others because you want to get them in trouble, and "informing," which is a way of keeping people safe.

"I never understood the (anti-snitching) mindset," Clark said. "It's okay to ignore the situation when someone is being bullied, but it's wrong to tell an adult about it?"

For Clark, this is all about rights.

"Do the kids at our school have the right to come to school and get an education without having to be afraid? I think the answer is yes."

But the concerns surrounding the reality of bullying don't just apply to the victims. Clark also talked about the risks bullies themselves face.

"(Bullying) can be a sign of a behavioral disorder that can escalate," he said. "Kids who bully are four times as likely to be convicted of crimes (by their 20s). They are also four times as likely to join gangs."

He speaks from experience, having formerly taught at an elementary school in inner-city Rochester. One of his former students has since joined a gang, and was recently killed.

As far as what people can do to reach out to kids who bully, Clark warned against the temptation to assume that they are outcasts who need a boost in self-confidence.

"The bullies might be the most popular kids in school," he said. "Many times, a lack of self-confidence is not the problem -- they have too much self-confidence."

These kids tend to have good leadership abilities, but they use those skills in a negative way.

Principal Clark appealed to citizens to do their part to help eradicate this scourge of mistreating others.

"If you have sons, daughters, nieces, nephews or friends in the Batavia schools," he said, "just talk to them about bullying. The more people talk about it, the better. The more information we can get out there, the better."

In addressing parents, Clark pointed out the role modern technology -- which he called the "new playground" -- has in the whole bullying phenomenon.

"It's so much harder for kids to escape bullying now than ever," he said.

Whereas bullying used to be more or less confined to the schools, now bullies can reach their victims through computers, cell phones, etc. Even at home, over the weekend, and on vacations, someone can make comments about a schoolmate on Facebook or send him/her a harassing text message.

"Parents should monitor what their kids are doing," Clark said. "The kids are not necessarily doing anything wrong, but someone else might be doing wrong to them."

Clark noted the very positive, caring environment at Jackson Schooland and its great group of students, teachers and staff.

There are more than 400 kids at Jackson, and Clark knows them all by name.

Clark's talk was part of a free spaghetti dinner hosted by Peaceful Genesee, a coalition of local community members and organizations dedicated to fostering nonviolence as a way of life in Genesee County.

Photos taken by Steve Ognibene

Oakfield-Alabama Central School District is hosting a “town hall style” meeting on bullying beginning at 6:30 p.m. Thursday, Jan. 26 in the middle/high school auditorium. The purpose of the meeting is to educate and engage parents and community about the serious issue of bullying.

The community is invited to learn more about bullying, what our district is doing about it, and what they can do to help. The format of the meeting will consist of a presentation on bullying, current legislation, school programming, various local agencies that can assist, and a Q & A period.

This is an informational meeting and not a forum to address specific incidences of bullying. Those should be addressed through the administration.

Refreshments and child care will be provided.

For more information contact Sara Wilkosz (swilkosz@oahornets.org) 948-5211, ext. 3304,
or Mark Alexander (malexander@oahornets.org) 948-5211, ext. 3203.