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Sliding Otter News- From Stranger to Acqauintance ot Friend

By Joseph Langen

 

~The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing—not healing, not caring…that is a friend who cares~ Henri Nouwen

Recently my girlfriend and I set out to wander around Orleans County for a day. Our main destination was Leonard Oakes Winery near Medina. Dave Lindsay who hosted our wine tasting shared his passion for wine as well as his knowledge. He helped us move along the path from casual sippers to wine enthusiasts.

Sitting on a park bench near the new Oak Orchard Lighthouse we met another man who shared with us his delight in the peace and tranquility of Oak Orchard Creek and Lake Ontario. As we explored a nearby community, we stumbled upon a cottage for sale. A third man, Larry, stopped to tell us about his brother’s cottage. We found we shared a social connection with him and heard the story of his teen experiences.

All three men were strangers to us before we set out in the morning. I wonder what makes a stranger become an acquaintance and what turns an acquaintance into a friend. The Internet failed to enlighten me about these transitions.

Sometimes people pass in and out of our lives without lasting impact, remaining strangers to us. Sometimes we learn an acquaintance’s name and satisfy ourselves with passing nods or comments on the weather. Some of our acquaintances become  part of our our lives, sharing our good and bad times and our challenges as friends.

People we once thought were friends can change so much that when we meet them later they seem like strangers again. Friends can also be so in tune with us that we meet them after years and take up where we left off as if we had seen them just yesterday.

Friends understand our feelings without elaborate explanation. They accept our achievements and shortcomings without judging us. They know what we need and are there for us when we need them. They share our laughter and our tears. They make us feel comfortable around them no matter what. Whether or not we use the word, they love us and we love them unconditionally.

Our friendships let us grow and learn about ourselves and about how we deal with others. Friends can show us good and bad parts of us to which we would otherwise be blind. They also let us help them live their lives. Friends are the greatest treasures we have in life.

Life Lab Lessons

  • What do you appreciate most about your friends?
  • What do they appreciate most about you?
  • What do you need from your friends?
  • What do they need from you?
  • When was the last time you talked with your friends about four friendship?

 

My Very Own Mr. Bojangles

By Joseph Langen

 

Orange Butterfly

~I know a man Bojangles and he’d dance for you
In worn out shoes
With silver hair, a ragged shirt and baggy pants
The old soft shoe~

Mr Bojangles- Jerry Jeff Walker

I didn’t know John was a dancer. As we approached Radio City Music Hall, we talked about how nice it would be to see the Rockettes perform.  Neither of us had more than subway fare in our pockets. He told me he used to dance with some of the performers at Radio City. I thought he was pulling my leg. He knocked on the stage door and within minutes we were watching the Christmas Show from backstage. One of the performers handed me a camel’s reins as he led it offstage.

That was the most dramatic moment I recall from our years of friendship. Mostly I remember the twinkle in his eye and gentle laugh which buoyed me up in my darkest moments. We helped each other keep afloat in life and managed to avoid the undertow at least for while.

After circumstances ripped us from each other, I had few chances to spend time with him. We were both in the throes of adjusting to lives neither of us had planned. The last time I met him he sat before the fireplace in his apartment, feeding into the flames pages of the book he had recently finished writing. I worried about him.

The next time I tried to contact him, he was nowhere in sight and I could not locate him for many years. Finally I tracked him down through his sister-in-law. I found him in a single room occupancy hotel where he had to be called to the phone. It was John and it wasn’t.  I could feel the embers of his old self but his thinking and sense of humor were like Tinkerbell’s light, just barely glowing. I knew depression had gripped him at times, but now he was almost gone.

I did not have the opportunity to visit him after that. Or maybe I was afraid to. I wrestled with myself for several years about it. Recently I made arrangements to attend a wedding very close to where he grew up.

Renewing my search for him, this time I located his sister. She told me about the years when he struggled with schizophrenia, which did not surprise me. Finally he found good care, peace of mind and a loving relationship. Unfortunately cancer found him and he died several months prior to my call to his sister. I was happy that she was there for him right up to the end and that he had a taste of what life could be.  “Mr. Bojangles, Mr. Bojangles, Mr. Bojangles, dance.”

Life Lab Lessons

  • Don’t take your friends’ support for granted.
  • Graciously accept what they have to offer you.
  • Realize that sometimes their struggles consume them.
  • Offer them what you can of yourself.
  • Cherish the time you have with friends while you can.

 

Chats with Calliope- Releasing My Friend John

By Joseph Langen

Immaculate Conception Garden

JOE: Good morning Calliope.
CALLIOPE: Good morning Joe. I haven’t heard from you in a while.
JOE: My apologies. I guess I am still adjusting to my new busy life.
CALLIOPE: What’s going on?
JOE: I won’t bore you with the details. However one major event took place.
CALLIOPE: Tell me.
JOE: I am planning a trip to Long Island next month. An old friend there has wrestled with mental illness for years and I was wondering if there was anything I could do for him. In tracking him down, I found that he died in February.
CALLIOPE: Sorry to hear it. How did you learn of his death?
JOE: Through an online obituary. Then I found his sister and had a wonderful talk with her last night.
CALLIOPE: How did that help?
JOE: I learned that my friend had some good time in the last couple years, fell in love and then died peacefully after a struggle with cancer. His sister has been there to help him through the rough times. I will be forever grateful to her for that. Bow it’s time to let him go.

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